


Laptops Don't Fly Like X-Wings

by uofmdragon



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Destruction of laptops, Fanboy Phil Coulson, M/M, POV Phil Coulson, Star Wars Fans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 04:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10070810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon
Summary: Dear Followers,I know you’re patiently waiting for the next Installment of Heart Wars, but I did a Thing.  A Bad Thing.  To the hottest person I have ever had the privilege to lay my eyes on.But Cheedi, you never described Mr. Terrik as the hottest person you have ever known.  Well, it's because Mr. Terrik is in fact Darth Hive. Why Darth Hive? Because he's got about a bunch of little fuckbuddies, so he doesn't have to pay for a tutor.  So, basically he used me, led me on, and cheated on me!I am a Rogue and decided to handle it in the manner that Rogue Squadron would.  I broke into his room and threw his oh, so precious laptop out the window.  It did not soar like a mighty X-Wing, but crashed like a Tie Fighter that had just been vaped.  Okay, maybe it was more Wraith Squadron than Rogue Squadron. Vengeance was mine!Until his roommate, see hottest person I have ever had the privilege to lay my eyes on, walked in and I discovered that they had the same laptop.Yes, I made a critical mistake and I could use your help to fix it.  Details are below the cut.Help Me Followers, You're My Only Hope!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Saw this prompt “Your roommate cheated on me and I just threw your laptop out the window thinking it was his” AU in a list of prompts and this happened. 
> 
> Beta by lapillus

CRASH!! Phil leaned out window unable to hide his smile at Grant's precious laptop lying in pieces on the sidewalk three stories down.

CLICK, Phil internally cursed at the sound of the door opening behind him. Grant was supposed to be out. Phil had made sure of that and Grant had repeatedly said that his roommate basically lived off campus. Phil turned and mentally cursed, because the guy standing in the door staring at him was even more muscle bound that Grant. His biceps were…

No, not getting involved with one of Grant's cronies. Phil shifted, making sure to block the empty desk from the other's line of sight and met the piercing gaze of Grant's roommate.

An eyebrow rose slightly. "One of Grant's tutors?" Yes, Grant's roommates just did honest to God finger quotes on tutors.

So Grant's roommate was aware of Grant's little ploy with his tutors. Phil narrowed his eyes and started trying to come up with Plan B. There had to be some way to slip out of here without his roommate realizing that Phil had tossed Grant's laptop out of the window. Offer to make out with him? Gah, that would be a horrible idea….

"Twenty Bucks."

Phil blinked. "Excuse you?"

"Twenty bucks. I go, you do whatever. I never saw you!" The man made a sweeping motion with hand.

"You want a bribe?"

"Yeah. Grant's an asshole. I don't care about his shit."

"If you know he's an asshole, why not let me do what I want?"

"Because I'm sick of mooching off my friends. You give me the twenty and I can buy the pizza this weekend," the man pointed at himself. "If you don't want to do it. That's fine. I can call security, think I saw Garrett on duty. That guy loves Grant though, so… I'd pay the twenty."

No, there'd be too many questions about how Phil had managed to fool the keycard reader. He sighed as he reached for his wallet and pulled out a twenty, offering it to the other student.

 

"Thank you," Grant's roommate said, reaching out to grab the bill. A flash of a smile, which transformed the other man's face and Phil felt his heart skip a beat. So not fair that Grant was rooming with him.

They stood there for a few minutes, staring at one another.

"I thought you were going to take it and go?" Phil asked, ready to slip out of here.

"Need to grab my laptop." He pointed to the desk behind Phil.

Phil felt his stomach drop. "You have the same laptop as Grant?"

He huffed. "Yeah, but it really is a good laptop. Took me forever to save up for it. Grant was rather pissed when it arrived."

"Uh…" Phil started, telling himself not to move and not to look at the window. Don't move, Don't look out the window. Aw shit, he looked out the window. Shitfuck, the roommate noticed and is going over. Phil took a hesitant step away from the desk, wondering if he could slip away.

Roommate turned, affable personality gone, he looked like he was going to stone cold murder Phil. Anger raged in his eyes as he glanced at the desk and back at Phil. "What the fuck did you do?"

Phil swallowed. "I… I thought it was Grant's? I mean, it looked just like his. It was in his room and I swear that's his underwear on the chair."

"Get. Out."

Phil wasted no time and got out as fast as he could.

>< |o| ><

"So, yeah, that's what happened…" Phil said, finishing his tale and taking a sip of his beer.

There was a moment of silence, before the table started laughing. Assholes, the lot of them, except for the two freshmen.

Phil let it go one for a while, before setting his beer down and glaring at him. "Yeah, I fucked up. It doesn't change the fact that a) tossed the wrong laptop and b) the guy probably didn't deserve it."

Jemma and Fitz exchanged a look. Fitz hesitated, before asking. "Did you go down and do any salvaging?"

Phil nodded. "I was kind of hoping…"

"We'll take a look, Nine," Daisy offered. "See if we can at least save his data."

"Thank you," Phil said, smiling at them.

"Alright," Nick said, in his commander voice. "We need to figure out a way to make it up to Grant's poor roommate. Ideas?"

"Buy him a new laptop," Sitwell suggested.

"How?" Phil asked. "I don't have that kind of money lying around."

"Ask your parents?" Hand suggested.

"They'd make me sell my collectibles," Phil stated. "Last resort."

"What about a go fund me?" Melinda suggested. "Offer some fic or something?"

"The New Republic does take care of its own," Hill agreed with a nod. "You've been active for a while."

"Hell, if it wasn't for you and Fury, we wouldn't be here," Trip pointed out. "I'd be rocking some Jedi Robes, rather than fighter pilot orange."

"Eleven's not wrong," Mack agreed. "We're as much as your Rogues as we are Fury's."

Maria cleared her throat and glared at Mack.

"No offense, Maria, but you had a reputation," Mack stated, hands coming up to hold off Maria's rant. "And I realize now, it's because you had to deal with gatekeepers and people accusing you of being a fake nerd girl."

"Well, If it wasn't for Maria, I wouldn't be here," Bobbi stated, extending her hand across the table for a fist bump. "Nerd girls have to stick together."

Maria bumped her fist. "You're the best wingwoman a gal could have."

"It's an honor, Five."

Phil shook his head, glancing to his side. Melinda was clearly the best wing-person.

"Alright," Fury said, waving them all quiet. "Next question, who is the roommate?"

"I have no idea," Phil admitted. "He was hot though."

There was silence, before a thump. Phil glanced toward the noise and saw Sitwell banging his head on the table. Fury reached over rested a hand on Sitwell's head, holding it up.

"I had to listen to you go on and on about that new gyro place," Nick stated. "Phil can tell us that he finds the guy handsome. It'll help get the romance loving fans to donate."

Hand chuckled. "They'll eat it up, especially if Phil words it as - Help me buy this guy a laptop, so I can ask him out."

"I want to do it, because it's the right thing," Phil objected.

Hand waved him off. "Alright, we need recon on this guy. Shall I ask Hartley? See if she can get a Wraith operation going?"

Phil made a face. "No, I'd prefer to keep this Rogues only for now."

"I can, maybe, access some records while I'm working to get a name," Jemma offered.

"Please," Phil requested.

>< |o| ><

Phil stepped into the library, nodding to Melinda as he passed the desk. Melinda had texted him to let him know that a Natasha Romanov had checked out a study room. Two weeks of raising funds and spy craft had all panned out. 

Jemma had used her connections in the housing department to find that Grant's roommate was named Clint Barton. Bobbi knew of Clint, he was apparently on some sort of athletic scholarship and a friend of friend of hers had dated him. She was certain that he hung out with Natasha Romanov. A fact that Hand's girlfriend, Isabel, confirmed and reported that nine times out of ten, Clint Barton studied with Natasha in the library, sometimes with other people. 

It didn't take long to find the study room and a quick peer into the window showed more than just two people, half a dozen at least. Phil pulled back. He didn't really want to do this in front of all of Clint's friends. 

Phil sighed and made his way to a nearby table, pulling out his phone to play Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes for a bit. He switched to writing his poli sci paper on his google account after a few minutes. 

Clint wasn't the first to come out, instead it was a familiar face that was so much worse. 

"Lieutenant," Tony Stark greeted. "What brings you to the library? Playing wingman to your wingman?"

"Stark," Phil said, nodding his head in greeting. "No, uh, trying to fix a wrong."

Stark's hand came up to his breast. "You did a wrong? I almost don't believe it."

Phil shrugged. "Well I did."

"Going to tell me what you did?" Tony asked, leaning over Phil's table.

"No." Phil knew that way would lead to trouble.

Tony stared at him, before shrugging and starting to walk away. It occurred to Phil that Tony might have some information.

"Right." He took a few steps away.

"Hey, Stark. Did I happen to catch Clint Barton in there with you?" Phil asked, reminding himself to keep it casual. This was such a bad idea.

Tony nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"You don't happen to know if he's interested in guys? And if he's single?" Phil asked, mentally berating himself as Tony's look transformed into interest. Shit, fuck, Phil had completely forgotten that Tony was a closet romantic.

"You know Clint?"

"We've met once," Phil admitted.

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Wisconsin Cheedi"

Phil winced. He'd withheld his online screenname since he'd met Stark, not wanting the other student to connect him to it.

"You're the one that… And you…" Tony started and stopped, smile widening, before leaving forward. "What's your plan here, Phil?"

"I… I was going to apologize and give Clint the money," Phil said.

"And then?" Tony asked.

"I don't know, see how he reacts. If he doesn't look like he wants to murder me, maybe see if he wants to get a coffee?"

Tony hummed, before standing up and heading back in the room.

"Stark!" Phil called after him, but Tony didn't answer him.

"Barton, I have found the nerd boy of your dreams!" Tony declared loud enough for Phil to hear him.

Phil facepalmed, resisting the urge to hide under his desk. It didn't take long, before Clint appeared in the doorway. Pajama pants and old hoodie on with lots of scruff. Phil wondered for a moment what it felt like on his thighs. He looked curious until he realized who Phil was and his face hardened. "I don't want anything to do with you."

"Wait," Phil said. "I came to try and fix what I did."

"Really? You're going to buy me a new laptop? Save the data that was on the old one?"

"Actually, yes?"

Clint blinked, expression softening. "What?"

"I have money for you to buy a new laptop and I grabbed the smashed parts. A couple of my friends were able to save some of the data." Phil reached into his pocked and pulled out an X-wing pilot USB. He offered it to Clint.

Clint stared at it, looking utterly confused. "How'd you…?"

"I'm a SWeek." Phil shrugged. "And I told my online friends what I did and… they chipped in."

"So you took advantage of other people?"

"I asked and offered to write some fic for them 100 words for every dollar they donated."

Clint blinked. "That's a lot of words."

"Yeah," Phil said. "But totally worth it. I could have bought the laptop, but I thought you might want to not get a different one, or get the same one…" _Uh oh, stop babbling!_ "...if you wanted. Whatever it's your choice on your laptop, but uh…" _Abort! Abort!!_ There should be enough for a case for it, too. If you don't go super high end. These are the account details to get the money, I can transfer them to a bank account or…" Phil offered the piece of paper, forcing himself to shut up now.

Clint reached out and took it. "I can't believe you did this…"

"I made a mistake, I should fix it."

"It's why he's Nine," Stark said, from behind Clint.

Phil glanced up and found the study room had emptied out and there was a group of them there.

Clint turned and looked at Stark. "Nine?"

"Corran Horn, CorSec turned Rogue turned Jedi," the red head stated. "He married a smuggler."

Clint smirked at her. "What movie was this?"

She scowled. "Read a book!" 

"Are they canon?" Clint asked.

"You know they're not anymore." Clint seemed unfazed by the fact that if his friend's eyes were blasters, he'd be a crater right now. 

"Not an expanded universe fan?" Phil asked.

"Nah," Clint said, shaking his head. "I like the movies, especially Chirrut lately."

"Yeah, he was pretty awesome. I'm kind of curious as to where they're taking the movies now," Phil agreed.

"Admit it Phil, you're upset by the lack of X-wings in that movie," Tony said.

"It was Rogue One, Rogue!" Phil hung his head for a moment. "But I suppose that's how the Rogues got their name and they decided to honor the sacrifice of Jyn and her crew…"

"If there is a Rogue Squadron," one of the guys in the back stated. "Since they made it all non-canon. There's no guarantee."

Phil glared at him. "If that's the case, I'm staying in the Legacy canon."

"Despite how fucked up it is?" the guy asked. "I mean Jacen as Sith?"

Phil shrugged. "I'll stay with the Vong storyline anything after that…"

"Wow, you're geeking out with Bruce," Clint said. "I don't think they're going to let you go."

"My squad will save me," Phil replied with a little grin. "Ten is working the front desk."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Who is ten again?"

Phil just smiled at him until Tony shifted uncomfortably and started looking around. He looked back at Clint. "So, you think we can move on from our horrible, horrible first meeting?"

"Not going to ask for a reboot?" Clint asked.

"No, mainly because my friends will never let me live this one down."

Clint nodded. "Sure." He extended his hand. "Clint."

"Phil." He shook the hand.

"He's bi and single," Tony stated. 

"Tony!" Clint growled at him.

"Hey, I donated to your cause, Phil. You don't have to write the 500 words, if you ask him out."

Clint turned to look at him. "Ask me out?"

Phil shrugged. "I hate to say it, but you're kind of hot when you're angry and... " Phil gestured toward him. "Kind of adorable like this. Coffee?"

Clint stared at him for a long moment.

"Yes, he'll meet you at Starbucks on State and Main at 10 Saturday morning." Red sounded completely bored when she answered for him.

"Natasha!" Clint snapped.

"You were going to refuse, because you thought he was asking because of his followers," Natasha replied. "He's not asking you, because of his followers." She held up her phone. "Wisconsin Cheedi posted about the how he messed up with the hottest guy he's laid eyes on by throwing his laptop out the window, since it was the same one as Darth Hive." She tucked the phone under her arm. "Really, he got his followers to fund a laptop for you, so he could have a chance with you."

Clint looked at Phil. "That why?"

"Part of it, maybe like 10% maybe 20…" Phil admitted. "Mostly, because you didn't deserve to lose your laptop and live with Grant."

Clint huffed. "How did you end up…?"

"Long story that's best left to at least the third date."

"You think you're getting three?" Clint asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Hoping for more than that actually," Phil admitted. "You have geeky friends, it's only made you more appealing to me."

"Why not the first date?"

"Because you don't talk about your exes on the first date, Clint, that's just bad manners."

Clint huffed, but there was a smile on his face. "Fine, but I want something better than Starbucks for our first date and..."

"I'm paying," Phil said, cutting him off.

"This time," Clint agreed.

Phil nodded. "Lemme ask Two. He knows where all the good food places are. I can text you later, if you give me your number." Phil pulled out his phone and offered it to Clint.

Clint took it and punched in a number. "I'm so tempted to drop this."

"Everything is backed on the Cloud and Daisy's computers." Phil admitted. "Not because I don't trust you, but because my phones have had horrible deaths in the past."

Clint smiled and handed Phil his phone back. "Sounds interesting."

"I can tell part of that story on our date," Phil promised. He glanced at the others. "I'll, uh, let you get back to studying."

"Thanks Phil," Clint said. "I'll see you Saturday."

"Yeah," Phil said, backing away and tripping over a chair. He sat up and looked at Clint.

"Are you okay?" Clint asked, looking worried.

"I'm fine," Phil said, getting to his feet. "I… I'll see you Saturday."

"If you don't hurt yourself before then."

PHil nodded, forced himself to turn and make sure he didn't trip over anything else on his way out of the library.

>< |o| ><

Phil posed, having no problem in at the various cameras as people snapped pics of Clint, Daisy, and himself. They'd almost gone as Chirrut and Baze, but the armor was bulky and he wasn't too keen on wearing it through Last Jedi. Instead, they'd decided to go as a white Finn, an Asian Rey, a white Poe. Clint had given him so much grief when he'd realized that Phil could wear his flight suit. 

Clint caught sight of Nick dressed as Luke making his way over along with Melinda dressed as Leia and her new boyfriend Andrew dressed as Han. The other Rogues had dressed as various characters as well as Clint's friends.

He nodded at Daisy, who smirked and pointed Clint away from Phil as Phil dug into his flight suit pocket. Daisy snuck out of their pictures and Clint turned, calling her back as Phil sunk to his knee.

"Hey," Phil called.

Clint blinked, pulling back. "Phil?"

"Clint, my smuggler. I love you. World is getting crazy and I'd planned to wait until we'd graduated, but… well… 45. Marry me, before they try to make it illegal again?"

Clint smiled at him. "Fuck yes, I'll marry you."

Phil grinned at him and wasn't surprised when Clint hauled him to his feet and kissed him in the middle of the theater lobby right outside the theater that would be playing _Last Jedi_.


End file.
